I officially have insomnia – I could not get any sleep whatsoever and I am physically and mentally drained. So I made a big plan, to tire myself out completely and not have a nap during the day which should knock me out by the night. After having breakfast, I decided to go out for a walk before going to the clinic. When I walked out of the flat my eyes were almost closed and my body felt so heavy. But fortunately the air outside was fresh and cold which helped me to exercise with a bit more energy.
After an hour, I went to the clinic for 11 o’clock treatment. I felt very refreshed entering the treatment room, a feeling that I have never had on other days. I was excited that treatment today was going to go very well. BUT what happens? I get 5 deflections within a space of an hour… Yes, 5 CBA fittings… and I just can’t seem to control my muscles around the jaw so it is impossible to have a CBA made without looking at the mirror. Although I was quite disappointed, I tried to keep myself occupied with positive thoughts and control my moods. I still went ahead with the plan and I went out for another walk after lunch. Now, I am exhausted and I think it is time to go to bed. Fingers crossed I will get some sleep.
I managed to get up quite early in the morning after sleeping for a few hours although I was still quite exhausted. When I woke up though my teeth were hurting extremely and noticed that a gap has been made on my lower teeth. Hopefully this is a good sign, perhaps my teeth are settling into place in the shape it needs to be. I went for the treatment in the morning and unfortunately deflection occurred just 2 minutes after CBA fitting so I had to get another one made. However, I’m going to take it as being one step closer to recovery and forget about it. I noticed that I have got mentally stronger which helped me to think positively throughout the day. I was more lively and stable although I still had these nagging thoughts at the back of my mind questioning whether I should put 100% faith in the treatment.
The clinic is closed on Sundays so I had the whole day to myself. I thought I would do a bit of exercising and relax but in all honesty I spent most of the day worrying and thinking that not receiving treatments might make things worse. I did manage to do a bit of walking outside but when I returned home I noticed the muscle spasm worsened. I do think being anxious was part of the reason and by the evening it got to a point where I found it difficult to bite and keep the OBA in place. I started to worry even more and once again it made me doubt whether this treatment was going to work on me.
Once again, I found it very difficult to get to sleep during the night. I must have fallen asleep at about 5 a.m. and could not wake up until midday so I went to the clinic in the afternoon. Despite sleeping for a few hours I was physically very worn out and mentally unmotivated. I struggled to keep my eyes open and felt so drowsy. Treatment went quite well, I had no visible spasms (although the sensation was still there) and I was less anxious. Afterwards, I decided to do some walking but because I was so tired I often had to slow down. I was still worried that people would look at me strangely and could not overcome self-consciousness. I still managed to stay out walking for an hour and a half though which was quite helpful because when I got home, I felt more lively and refreshed. At home, I decided to try more full body exercise sets (as recommended by Dr Lee) but after doing a few I was ready to go to bed. Hoping I can get normal sleeping pattern by tomorrow.
Mum left quite early in the morning. I thought I’d be crying and begging her not to go but surprisingly I was able to maintain a composed state. After she left I couldn’t get back to sleep so I decided to test something before going to the clinic. Dr Lee always stressed that I should not wear CBA for more than an hour and if I felt anything uncomfortable within the hour I should take it off immediately. But so far, I have never experienced discomfort while wearing CBA so I thought it might be more effective if I wore it for more than an hour. I woke up at 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep so I took of OBA and put CBA on (I had already put this for an hour the day before) until 9 a.m so in total I had it on for 6 hours. I still could not feel any difference and when I went to the clinic that morning I told Dr Lee about it. He then told me that I should not wear it for longer than an hour and explained why – even if I do not feel any discomfort deflection still occurs within an hour and it is important not to wear it after deflection because it can make the condition worse. Oops.. serves me right for being rebellious!
And today, for the first time I did some walking exercises for about an hour. I did feel a little embarrassed walking around with OBA on and I was conscious that people may look at me strangely as it makes me look quite ugly (a bit like a gorilla)… I felt less tired but I felt my muscles moving around more, although it was not visible to other people). I noticed that I yawned a lot but I felt less anxious.
My daily routine is focused on getting treatments these days; most of the day I spend at the clinic getting treatments and doing exercises. I can definitely feel the good effects but I cannot say if this is a result of the treatments at this stage. However, I’m still following Dr Lee’s recommendations because I don’t really have anywhere else to go. Dr Lee says what I am going through (tiredness and feeling weak) is a good sign of improvement but still emphasises that I should keep a positive mind and exercise regularly.
I still struggle to sleep at night and feel the need to sleep for a few hours during the day. The weakness in the muscles has improved a little but the muscles around the jaw are still moving constantly which is making it difficult to wear OBA. Anxiety and low moods continue their cycle.
My mother is going back to the UK tomorrow. I told her not to worry as I have got used to things here now but I am not that confident inside…
The battle is still ongoing. Last night I tried to get some sleep during the night but it was impossible. During treatments I experienced many deflections within a short period of time and Dr Lee had to make several CBAs. I still felt drowsy and feeble for most of the day but I still tried to increase amount of exercise (probably by 5 minutes or close to that). I think I’m slowly becoming attached to the clinic. Every day I see many kids with Tourettes and other patients suffering from different kinds of illnesses. It made me feel comfortable that there were other people sick but at the same time I felt sad to think that others were suffering too.
It was a closed day for the clinic. I was still jetlagged unfortunately so I only managed to sleep for 4 hours. However, I was able to do a few sets of full body exercises with OBA although I still had muscle spasms. During the day, I slept for a few hours while I was on the CST pillow and when I woke up I noticed that I could control my body a bit better. The shaking whilst wearing OBA was almost nonexistent. It was a good day with vast improvements.
Today, for the first time I experienced an improvement. After the morning and afternoon treatments I felt that the shaking decreased significantly and I felt energized. However, there were times when I experienced anxiety and low moods although it was not persistent throughout the day. I also found that my teeth moved quite a bit due to wearing OBA and it was difficult to chew properly. The past few days I managed to wear OBA for about 23 hours a day (only had it off while I was eating).
So it has been 4 days since I started wearing OBA and I’ve noticed that 90% of my pain has disappeared. I only slept 2 hours during the night and after receiving treatment in the morning, I managed to sleep for 4 hours in the afternoon. The spasm was still bothering me and I was not sure whether the treatments I receiving at the clinic were effective at all. I still struggled to do any exercise because I felt so tired and there was no strength in my muscles. I also had sweating and high temperature although I was not suffering from flu. However, my moods seemed to have improved a little – I felt less anxious and depressed.