Sorry for the delay in uploading posts! I can only blame my laziness which I am ashamed of. But I promise I will finish uploading soon!
I realised something very interesting on Friday (25th October). I came back to the flat in the morning after having 2 sets of treatments and lied down to rest. Whilst I was lying down I noticed something quite peculiar – that my brain and my body were not in harmony at all. In fact, my body was doing exactly the opposite of what my brain was telling it to do because the more I tried to stop the muscle spasms, the worse it got. I knew anxiety and stress made spasms worse but I was not stressed at all (or at least there was nothing that I should be stressed about). It was very strange; the more I tried to focus on controlling the muscle, the less control I gained. Dr Lee had recommended trying meditation but I never tried it because I simply did not believe it would be useful. I realised then that subconsciously I was stressing myself out unnecessarily which of course did not help with muscle spasm. So I decided to try meditating, taking deep breaths and visualising my body and brain working in unity (I know this sounds weird but I could not think of any other way of meditating). In all honesty, it did not help much at first. I don’t think I noticed much difference in muscle spasm but it did help me to feel more relaxed and peaceful.
On Saturday, instead of going to the clinic, I went to see one of my friends who lives in the city. I thought it might do me good if I kept my mind off treatments for the weekend. For the first time since I started the treatment I travelled for longer than an hour on the tube. It was very tiring even though I only got to see her for a few hours; by the time I got back I was ready to go to bed. Also, it was the first time that I took off OBA for longer than 4 hours. I must admit I could not help worrying about my spasm kicking off randomly. Recently, the symptoms did not appear outwards but I wasn’t sure whether it would suddenly appear again if I was out in public for a long period of time. Despite my concern however, spending time with my friend completely took my mind off it and nothing embarrassing happened! It made me a lot more confident and reminded me that I did not have to worry so much. It also reassured me that the treatment was working.
Today, I just had the day to myself – catching up on emails, cleaning the flat and doing a few sets of exercises. I also carried on with meditating and to my surprise it really is making a difference – I actually felt that I could control the muscles better. Something odd that I observed today though – whilst my mind becomes calmer (during meditation), my heart beats faster as if I’m nervous or scared. However, I’m not bothered much by it because I know it is due to lack of control that I have over my body at the moment. All I can do at the moment is to keep telling myself it will get better soon and concentrate on positive things.