It has now been 3 weeks since I started the treatment and I have to admit I feel much better both physically and mentally. Reminiscing about my state 3 weeks ago, it made me realize what it would have been like if I hadn’t found this treatment. It was a sharp reminder of how grateful I should be both to my mum and Dr Lee. It also made me think about those who are suffering, probably lost and feeling helpless by lack of access to effective treatments. So in my spare time in the evening, I decided to do some online research on how other sufferers in the world endure struggles in life. In all honesty, when I was still in the UK, I only found out to the extent that not many doctors are familiar with Dystonia (therefore difficult to diagnose) and there were not many treatment options that have long lasting effects. I had not read about the life stories of the patients. It was not difficult to find various blogs uploaded by people who were hurt by surrounding people because they don’t understand what they were going through and many were neglected by those who should have the answers. Reading some of the stories actually made me cry and I couldn’t help feeling guilty thinking that I probably should have suffered longer to realize how lucky I am. I felt so vain and was ashamed of myself. Those thoughts did certainly stay for a while and I was lost in my own world.

I spent most of today meditating on those thoughts and thinking of ways to overcome it. It started off as feeling disappointed with myself and I could see it progressing into more depressing state. I concluded that feeling guilty was not going to change anything and perhaps I should put those thoughts aside. I should concentrate on receiving treatments and recovering. May be when I’m better I will be able help other people. I hope I can…